The 40 Watt Enlightenment Bulb
Often I wonder how I missed out on the free handouts of “Understanding your Mind”, “Handbook to your Body” and “Idiots guide to Life”. I understand that ever having complete control over these three elements is quite a fantastic delusion, but being out in the deep end can turn out to become quite uncomfortable. It is especially when depression hits that feeling sorry for oneself is an easy trap to fall in, too easy, and this is the time that you just know that those books would have come very handy. Even a little Life FAQ would have been useful…
Q: “What can I do to feel better, with minimal consequences, after filing for bankruptcy?”
Q: “What long term solution is there to get rid of this annoying sensation of loneliness?”
Q: “My body is aging way too fast, how can I make peace with wetting the bed?”
Q: “Being a pet technician is not for me, how can I find out my true calling in life?”
The realization that you are stagnating can also be somewhat irritating- packing up and shipping out is not so forthcoming when one lacks any sense of direction. Sure it’s what you wanted to do 3 years ago, but now you want to engage in something else more challenging or fulfilling than being a white collared slave in a corporate conglomerate.
After realizing the utter lack of definitive guides covering these topics, except for the opinions of others, one turns to some form of divinity hoping that somehow the powers that be will take pity on your soul, smile on you and illuminate the next step in your path with its celestial flashlight. It is difficult not to wish for an angel of destruction to bring his/her bulldozer and crumble that impermeable black wall that you have been staring at for so long.
Wishful thinking aside, perhaps it is a matter of perspective. Maybe life is similar to the movie “Total Recall” where your soul or spirit purposefully decides on an adventure in order to work on certain skills and when engaging the journey you lose all knowledge of your decisions. So beforehand you decide to work on monotony, insecurity, loss, an innate lack of discipline or any other soul building events all at once in one life time or individually spread over several.
So I was meant to be bored out of my skull in order to realize that there is something amiss. Great, but where to now? I have a mild interest in many things but nothing really appeals to me more than being a 17th century captain of my own pirate ship (this might prove somewhat difficult to achieve).
Realistically I have always opted for doing anything or acquiring any skill that I’m not incredibly indifferent too, although my focus in the pursuit needs a little work. It is perhaps laziness that is the greatest proponent of the absence of any meaningful adventure in my life at the moment fused with some impatience causing all the frustration. I loved the dialog in the film “The Last Samurai” where Ken Watanabe’s character Katsumoto asks Tom Cruise’s character Algren “You believe a man can change his destiny?” and he replies “I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed.”
