One evening I drove home from a friend’s house with my then girlfriend. She was absolutely astoundingly gorgeous and she completely mesmerized me with her starry hypnotic eyes. She became the core of my known existence as I almost worshipped her and thanked the heavens for blessing me with such a wonderful creature. Our love was young but it felt five times hotter than the sun as I almost frequently experienced “divine moments of truth” with her. It was then that I realized that the love that I’ve dreamt so many evenings about was indeed possible.

As we drove on this particular evening, still young and foolish, we decided to kiss each other like you would see in the movies. You’d think that it’s quick, there is no one else on the road and you will be able to control the car at this speed. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out this way as I heard my car going over the ground of the island partitioning the highway and when I tried to counter steer I lost control of the car and it spun over towards the other side of the road. The car’s suspension was completely indisposed as it seemed like we got onto the turnoff sideways. The car couldn’t move and had to be bounced out of the way with the help of a few volunteers. It was then that I realized that kissing and driving could actually kill you and that at that moment it was one of the most idiotic things I have ever done. We were incredibly blessed not to even have had a scratch on ourselves. The car, however, was not so lucky and had to be written off as the insurance realized a few months later there are some things they shouldn’t try to repair (after my front wheel just fell off). It had nothing to do necessarily with the fact that this was her first car accident, but the girlfriend and I split ways not too long afterwards showing me the price one pays for that kind of love. There are still moments even today, almost four years later, that I miss it dearly.

A similar fate hit me this weekend as someone else decided that the colour red is out there to taunt and dare him to cross the line. As I came down the road I suddenly saw a white Golf casually driving in front of me, I stepped on the brakes and awaited the inevitable. It’s eerie how little control you really have of your own life as you see the airbags deploy and smack something that you think is your arm to the side. I remember looking at the marks on my arm as I got out of the car to make sure the other driver was OK. As I attempted to converse with the guy, I wasn’t quite sure that he even knew that he had been in an accident as he seemed rather inebriated. His girlfriend came to the scene to pick him up and they just left. As I had no visible injuries I went home after a very long evening and took it easy the rest of Saturday and Sunday.

Two days after the fact and being rushed to the hospital this past Monday morning I never thought this excruciating screaming pain in my head (that I had when I woke up) was caused by all that excitement. Initially I thought it was a migraine then maybe a stroke, but as I never had either before I couldn’t tell if the throwing up, dizziness, slurring speech, blurred vision and pins ‘n needles all over my body were all part of this event that happens to some very unfortunate few now and again. I was basically chased away from work and my mother picked me up to first take me to the doctor but later realized the hospital might be a better option. As I lay in those beds for tiny people in the emergency room for five hours I realized that while I was trying to communicate with the nurse, and couldn’t, my mind was perfectly clear. I could hear myself talking ancient Babylonian and got frustrated as I was actually trying to speak English. Although I don’t recall hitting anything with my head or even having any whiplash, after the CAT scan and tests it was diagnosed to probably be a concussion. At the time I decided to have my little headache, someone else heisted a cash in transit vehicle shooting five security people all of whom were down the hall from me at that time. Sadly one of them died in the time I was there.

Any nascent delusions of being in control of my own mortality have been shattered this weekend, but what was really strange was observing my mind getting frustrated as it tried to work with a brain that seemed to be shutting down. It felt like the mind wasn’t part of the body at all and if the brain had to completely shut down, that the mind would still continue to exist.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006 at 11:04 pm and is filed under Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.