Let me tell you a very poorly kept secret- it takes me a very long time to get over someone I have strong feelings for. At some point I get annoyed with my self if it has been a while and unforeseen events caused some feelings to resurface. You see, unrequited feelings are nothing more than chemicals running rampant like a rabid bunny on speed. Sure, when requited its great for how ever long and the phenomenon has been the muse for artists for millennia. However, the harsh reality is that one-way love means absolutely nothing- especially after a failed attempt at a relationship – and your only resolve is to detox and rehabilitate from the debilitating disease. Or addiction. Unfortunately, there is no lovesick pill or miracle cure that will help you get over it in a blink of an eye. Like most forms of rehabilitation realize that it won’t be easy. You have to grind through the pain for an indeterminable period of time. Recently though, I have discovered a few things that help make the process a little easier while being valuable:

Destroy any memorabilia
Burn or bury any photos, letters, jewellery or anything that might remind you of that person. Do a rain dance around the fire if it will help or give the stuff to a friend for safe keeping for release in the far future. The point is to get things that will remind you of that person or your time together out of sight with the aim of getting her or him out of mind.

Loose contact
Whether it is a number, address, e-mail or Skype handle. Get rid of it. No, you don’t need it just in case. She/he is not your responsibility and any contact will just make things worse or more difficult.

(Obviously if you have a kid together, you are out of luck here but you might consider keeping the contact channels to a minimum.)

Tell common friends to enjoy a hot cup of STFU
Rather harsh I know, but if you share common friends or acquaintances make it clear to them when they give you a status report about the person that you don’t want to know and they should never bring it up again. Sure sometimes you want to talk about it, but it should be on your terms- you don’t want to know who she was snogging at some bingo evening.

Do something meaningful yet out of character
Join a band, get a tattoo, try out sky diving or go on a road-trip to check out Gatsonderrandfontein. Do something (responsible) that you will look back on one day and say “Man, that was crazy, but I’m glad I did it.” You are the director, experience something that you would tell your kids or grandkids in the future.

Set a goal
Take up knitting, learn a new language or study for another degree. You have to stay busy to distract yourself. What better way to do so than with a grand yet achievable goal. In moments of weakness, where you really miss that person, it could actually motivate you even more to achieve it.

Change your style
Become the phoenix and rise from the ashes better and fresher than ever. Hit the gym, treat your self to stylin’ clothing, whiten your teeth, get a neat haircut or whatever. The point is to be able to look yourself in the mirror and realize how hot and suave you are. This is for you and only you.

Hang out with real friends
I know you don’t want to see anyone right now, you just want be alone and feel sorry for yourself. Don’t. Force yourself to go out with a bunch of buddies to a farm in the Free State or go clubbing in another city. Whatever you do, keep your real friends close and participate in their social activities.

Move
Phoenixes don’t hang around their own graves, so move on. If you work together, quit. If you live in the same neighbourhood, move. If you like the same drink, switch. If you drive the same route, use another. The only constant in life is change, embrace it.

Flirt!
Flirt with every woman (or man) you see, it’s not easy, but your aim should be to make them feel good about themselves and have fun doing it. Nothing more. Do it everyday at every chance you can get (save for funerals). Do it with the cleaning staff, rave bunnies and corporate stiffs. You are not looking for new relationships- you just want to meet interesting people.

And finally…

Let go
It is very very rare that they do come back for good. Let them go. Allow yourself to be free and accept that it just didn’t work. If they are not willing to work on it, why should you? You could spend all your life on trying to make someone love you and in the process miss the opportunity to meet that person that you’ll share true love with. Respect yourself- one chance is all they get.

I realize that most of the things I have suggested are really hard or close to impossible to execute, but it is like exercise, you have to get up and just do it. There is no other way. If you really meant it when you said you loved someone, you will never truly shake it. In a sense that’s good, because it gives your personal value in the word real meaning. But by keeping busy and moving, time will make it easier to live with.

Like the Johnny Walker slogan encourages, just keep walking.

When was the last time you were really heartbroken and what did you do to get over it?

Disclaimer: I am not Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth or Dr. Pepper. While I realize I am in some way responsible for my own words, you chose to read it. Ultimately the universe holds you accountable for your own consequent actions. This post serves as a future memo to myself for the next time I might need some inspiration. You should take everything you read on the net with a bit of salt anyway (with or without the tequila).

Thanks to Lance Mason for confirmation and some inspiration.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 21st, 2007 at 6:49 pm and is filed under Philosophy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.