Fallen
The experiences preceding and during the process of falling in love are some of the most agonizing known to man. You might find that statement slightly over-exaggerated. I, on the other hand, will not retract nor modify it until further notice. At the risk of sounding like a teenager, I still find the whole thing quite frightening. I suppose there are plenty reasons for the sensation of fear, but I think it might have to do with the complete loss of control while the mind goes into overdrive with a billion thoughts per second dedicated to strategic analysis and deterministic postulates in an attempt to predict the future outcome of one’s actions. Evaluating the accuracy of these cognitive initiatives is an uncertain and risky practice as it kicks-off infinitely more branches of analysis and postulates.
Mixing strong yet unstable emotions with faulty and ill informed logic (an inevitable occurrence) is a disturbing recipe that yields very little useful results in terms of direction and clarity of intent. Yet it is then that the emergence of some of one’s biggest enemies are all the insecurities not dealt with (including new ones), who manage to creep up in the moments of vulnerability. The optimists among us may suggest that it is at this time that we have the opportunity to acknowledge, understand and deal with these insecurities, but I believe this to be a difficult task with the impaired brain function caused by all the chaos. I must admit, though, that I have found the journey to be personal and enlightening in the past even among great disappointment.
I think the hope of finding someone that completes the puzzle, solves the soul conundrum, whose destiny intertwines with yours and brings you moments of euphoria is ultimately worth the risk of confusion, rejection, loss and heart ache even if it only lasts moments. If only people (and I) had the courage to take the chance and give everything from the start, things might progress more honestly. As trite as it might sound I’d rather love someone without it being returned than miss out on the chance of finding (or being found by) that dream.
October 15th, 2005 at 9:48 pm
one must always have hope.
November 16th, 2005 at 11:54 am
Dude, You’re a brilliant writer. You really have alot of talents ..
July 4th, 2007 at 10:16 am
Don’t look for someone to supplement you, but rather someone that will complement you. Realise that you are a complete, whole person, not someone that needs the “other half”. Relationships are hard, but when you’re in a healthy relationship, it becomes fun working on the relationship.
July 4th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
Lost. Wow, reading this post again is a bit of a blast from the past. I agree completely with you in that one should find a partner that compliments, rather than supplement, you. I think the “other half” idea, at least in some sense, comes from imagining a bigger unit of yourself or your dreams. Which is cool, yet I have come to realize since writing this post that, as you said, each of us are in fact whole individuals capable of being content and happy by ourselves. Equally, I believe it is important to feel whole individually within and without a relationship of which neither state is normal or abnormal.